When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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