i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
