I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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