I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need to align my fucking chakras
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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