I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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