i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize