i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
