I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
