How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
