His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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