Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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