so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
