oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
