I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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