I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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