i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
