She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the day after is always just damage control
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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