Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
