i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
