Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
