So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
