I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
