Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
