I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
