TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
