A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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