I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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