she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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