u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm passing your future prison.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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