just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
