remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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