Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
