I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
