I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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