we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
