ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
