Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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