I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The Olympian is in my bed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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