if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
