Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
