Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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