I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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