i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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