I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I love you.
Bad choice
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