So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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