I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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