the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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