two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize