I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
