It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
