chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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