Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
