How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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