6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
