call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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