So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
