what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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