I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
